


point of view(s)

by itssunnyweatheroutside



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Blood and Violence, Heavy Angst, Implied Murder, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Minor Character Death, angsty wonhyuk, gonna be very dark, it's not graphic but there's a passing mention of those stuff so yeah, not so much but idk???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-28 11:52:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17182484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itssunnyweatheroutside/pseuds/itssunnyweatheroutside
Summary: In Minhyuk's point of view, it was better that Hoseok carry on without him. He wish things aren't like this. He wish Hoseok really is better when he's with him.From Hoseok's point of view though, his life begin and end with Minhyuk; there's no much point left in life if Minhyuk isn't in the picture.(trigger warning: non graphic, passing mention of blood, abuse, self-harm, death)





	point of view(s)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first time ever attempting angst, idk what got into me so suddenly. But writing angst is very satisfying and soothing, it kinda scares me too? Mind you, it's not graphic at all (i think) but there's a lot of trigger being mentioned in passing, so if you're not okay so please read the tags & summary :(
> 
> It soothes me writing angst but I'm not sure you guys would feel so too... ha hahahah uhm- I'll try going back to fluff next time! See ya.

"Leave."

"But why...? Do you not love me? Was... I and us a burden to you now?"

"Hoseok, no? You _know_ it's not what this is about. You know I love you so damn much!?" His voice raise a bit. "Why do you have to ask again?" he resume to his cold as ice tone.

"Because I don't know why I have to leave if you do love me and we're happier together....."

 _"Because happiness is not all that matters, Hoseok!_ " Minhyuk sigh. "You.... we both know you're better off without me, right?" he thought so, and he spell it out loud. Maybe, not so loud. His doubts about his own words was louder. He _wish_ things aren't like this. He wish Hoseok really is better off _with_ him.

Hoseok sits on the floor, his head bowed down in frustration. He refuse to look at Minhyuk. He can't. How can he?

"But Min, you give me courage... you give me this courage I never had before you, before us happen. Minhyuk..."

"Courage to do _what_ , Hoseok??? To be what?"

"To be me! To do this? To be where I am. Min, I wouldn't be here without you..... that fact, we both know, too."

Hoseok thinks back to the time he first met Minhyuk. Or rather, to the night where Lee Minhyuk found him.

* * *

 

He held a baby in his hand, hiding in the dark, trying to hold his panting cry as quiet as he could. The baby barely move, dark blood running like streams from her head, nearly lifeless. A man crutch down and shush him. He wants to run away, but the man holds his wrist, softly. "I can help you, if you explain your situation.... who's this baby?"

There was something about his voice, the way his shadow fell under the dim lights, that made Hoseok trust him. Not that Hoseok had choice either. The young child was a daughter of a woman that he and his accomplices killed. It was meant to be a minor robbery, a grab and go; easy target, easy money. Unexpectedly, the mother fights back on their way out. She screams and try to call the police. Totally unarmed, the man on the wheel run her off with their car in panic. She throws her baby to the lawn, seconds before lying dead on the pavement. Upon her death, they argue and Hoseok insists on saving the baby. Not willing to take the risk, his friends drop him out to run away before the police arrive on the crime scene. So here Hoseok are.

"I killed her. I killed a person. About to kill another one..." he finally breaks down in tears.

"We have to leave the baby." The man said so matter-of-factly.

"What?? No! You're crazy! I have to save her."

"Either we, well- you, leave her here. Or you end up in jail. And she's probably gonna die anyway? Dead baby, your jail time. Your choice."

He made sense, to be honest. At this rate, would the girl even survive? But Hoseok just can't leave her without at least trying.

"Well then, I'm not tryna get myself caught for shit I didn't do mate. But look. If her mother's dead like you said, don't you think she'll suffer a life without her mom if she survives?" His words was harsh and eerily cold, but true nonetheless. Hoseok thinks about it. "If her fate is to live, then she'll live on. Now feel free to follow me or stay with her and get caught?" Minhyuk walks away.

It took seconds before Hoseok finally catch up after he mumbles "I'm sorry little baby. I- I'm... it wasn't mean to be like this." It was a dumb move, but Hoseok wraps his jacket around the baby to keep her warm. He abandons his heart and what he thinks is right to do, and leave her to life's ultimate destiny.

 

 

And so he learn that Minhyuk himself is a man on the move, and he was _good_ good at it. Hoseok once asked him what sort of crime did he commit, to which Minhyuk said he didn't commit any. He just run away from life as a hobby.

Lies, Hoseok scoff. He sure is guilty of making Hoseok's heart stumble and spill all over for him at the very least.

Minhyuk is everything that he is and he isn't, at the same time. They're both scarred, they knew. But Minhyuk was carefree and tact, while Hoseok is always afraid and hesitating. Minhyuk thinks and live his life on the fly, and he flies _really_ fast. Hoseok instead, was rather calculating. There's nothing much that Hoseok knows about this Minhyuk guy, but he doesn't mind. All he cares and need to know for now is that he has fallen for the man who picks him up, and the man sure does feel the same, by the way he took care of Hoseok and hold him at night.

And the way Minhyuk encourage him and push him where he is now: working as a tattoo artist.

Despite his awful and lacking childhood, little Hoseok has always love to draw and colors. But adult Hoseok is also afraid of inflicting pain on other people, his heart can't take it. But Minhyuk encourage him, reminding Hoseok that _beautiful thing often blooms out of pain._ So he drew on people's skin. Hoseok's favorite? Is when someone comes hurting and in tears and ask to be tattooed on their wrist. And Hoseok draw beautiful things.

"You now have a little butterfly there... So if you hurt yourself, you'll hurt this little buddy too. Let's promise to keep the butterfly safe until I see you again hm? I'll give you discount next time if you bring back that butterfly safely. Deal?"

Hoseok always told them that. And he was happy. Happier than he ever was in his life. Happier than he could ever dare his life to be. All thanks to Lee Minhyuk, the love of his life.

* * *

 

Minhyuk leaves his glass of water and sits down with Hoseok on the floor. His hand reach hesitantly to cup his cheek, who still refuse to look at him.

"No, Hoseok. You're not here because of me? You're where you are now because you're inherently good, despite what you did. And you'll continue to be so, even without me in your life. And you have to promise me that, sweetheart."

"But you're inherently good too, Min.."

"I am, I know. My life _however_ , isn't. You know that."

 

This proves to be true. Months living together, Hoseok finally notice how Minhyuk often comes home late. Sometimes he didn't even make it home until the next morning. Minhyuk finally had to explain and hope Hoseok understands. He had to sleep with older man--his sugar daddy--to support his life. Hoseok understands. He knows Minhyuk has none of his feelings involved. His body may not be exclusively his, but his heart, soul, and mind are completely sold to Hoseok. If anything, it only pains Hoseok to see Minhyuk hurting and struggling.

 

"But Minhyuk..... my life neither. I killed a woman and her baby. We're on this together, didn't we promise so?" Hoseok argues.

" _Did._ Past tense, Hoseok." Minhyuk hates being cold to Hoseok, but he has to shoot his best attempt in hope that Hoseok finally had enough and leave. "I know I said that our life is _one messy tangle that turns into a perfect knot ever since we met._ But things are different now. The storm in your life? Couldn't touch me. But mine? It already drags you as of now. I can't keep you this way any longer."

Minhyuk let his fingers trace on the bruises along Hoseok's neck and back. He press it and Hoseok tried not to flinch at the pain, but he's bad at lying.  
"See what I'm talking about, baby?"

* * *

 

Hoseok recently understood what it means when Minhyuk said he's running from his own life; why they always have to change their name everytime they move residence. It all started with Minhyuk frequently coming home beaten up: all colors of bruises in his face, arms, legs, anywhere. He said his new daddy gets off on planting bruises in his beautiful skin, and he assured Hoseok that he treats him well & paid him all the medicine he needs. It was only a month later that Hoseok knew it wasn't Minhyuk's 'daddy'.

It was a loan shark that beats him up, one that Minhyuk constantly is on the run from.

 

Unlike Hoseok who's been an orphan since birth, Minhyuk's childhood was pretty and happy. It was, until his gambler dad leaves him and his mother with nothing but debts and its piling interest. Minhyuk was little enough, barely a teenager when the man keeps visiting to beat up his mom for those unpaid debts. When he was 18, his mom couldn't take it any longer and passed away at the hand of that damned loan shark. Minhyuk wants to fight, his young blood is boiling with revenge, but he renders powerless. He learn that it's best to just ran away and not be found. He fails from time to time, but he keeps on trying.

He was safe for some time then, not long before he met Hoseok. He had this small hopeful thought that perhaps he can finally break free, and run gleefully with his newfound love. He found his hope shattered when the old man tracks him down, finally. He took the beat, keep it to himself, but he was slower on the move ever since. Everything peaked weeks ago, when he found their home and beats Minhyuk up right in front of Hoseok. It enraged him, but his attempt to fight back only results in him getting hurt along with Minhyuk. Both of them can't take it.

Hoseok can't take that Minhyuk is in pain and hides it away from him, struggling alone while caring for him. Minhyuk can't take it that he now puts the only person he ever loved in danger by staying with him. "This was not what I intended when I saved you. I'm supposed to protect you, but my plan fails."

 

He can sense Hoseok's eyes getting watery, and he knows by the time Hoseok cry, his weak defense would collapse. Minhyuk snaps.  
"I hate seeing you cry. Cut it. You're always so weak and emotional and I fucking-"

Minhyuk can no longer speak as Hoseok locks their lips tightly together. Their kiss was bitter, half angry, demanding, but mostly, it was full of mutual longing. Minhyuk doesn't wanna let go, he already miss Hoseok's warmth before he's even gone. Hoseok doesn't wanna let go either. He touch Minhyuk in all sorts of way, in hope to delay their separture even just for the night. But Minhyuk knows better and pulls away.

Hoseok speaks before Minhyuk can cut him. "Yes, you fucking hate that I'm weak but I fucking hate you for never letting me protect you like protected me. Can we just, make out and settle this tomorrow? Please Minhyuk?"

"I ask you to leave. Now."

"If you ask me to leave, you're asking me to give up the only happiness I ever had in life."

_"Then I'm sending you off with what remains of those happiness, Lee Hoseok."_

 

In Minhyuk's point of view, it was better that Hoseok carry on without him. He knows Hoseok (and himself, definitely) will lose his happiness, but he won't lose his life or suffer like his mom did. Minhyuk lost her, and he can't afford to lose Hoseok too.  
From Hoseok's point of view though, his life begins and ends with Minhyuk; there's no much point left in life if Minhyuk isn't in the picture.

Tears fall from his eyes, and his voice breaks as he says for the last time:

"Just leave before I change my mind..... I beg you."

 _Leave me as I asked you to leave that baby way back, Hoseok._ He thought to himself as he left Hoseok to his own room and locks it down.

Hoseok did leave, finally. He wasn't there in the morning when Minhyuk brave himself to come out and checks.

* * *

 

Hoseok left and never come back. Minhyuk was glad, or maybe not.

He's glad to think that Hoseok is somewhere far away, no more bruises planted by his abusive loan shark. He's glad that he didn't have to watch Hoseok suffers too long the way he watched his mom's smile wither and die each passing day. He finds great relief on that thought. Hoseok is better off without him. He's less than glad though, that Hoseok isn't curling up next to him anymore. No more Hoseok telling stories about the tattoo he drew and the stories his client told him. No more the two against the world or Minhyuk discussing their new alias as they move from one flat to another to flee.

* * *

 

Minhyuk is certainly not glad when Hoseok shows up in his door, pinning him to the wall for a deep kiss. He miss the feel of Hoseok's on his, he really miss Hoseok and how warm his hand feels right now.

_Strangely warm._

Hoseok pulls back first this time, and smiles vulnerably. Minhyuk jaws drop and he cried when he saw Hoseok's hand bathed in blood.

"Sshhh.... hush baby, hush." Hoseok's teary eyes meet Minhyuk's. "I'm so sorry.. I'm so, so sorry Minhyuk.. but I had to."

"Hoseok.. why? This is everything that I fear of.. Why did you do this? Why?"

_"You asked me to leave, so I'm leaving. But I wanna do it the right way this time, Min."_

"This WAS NOT what I meant when I asked you to leave Hoseok, what was on your mind??"

"You. You're on my mind always, sweetheart. I want to protect you with all my might, all things included. And I.... I don't ever want to run away again. But this way, you no longer have to either. You're a free man now, that's what you deserve."

Minhyuk tears falls unstoppable.

" _I'm sending you off with this, Lee Minhyuk._ Live a happy life from now on, will you? I'll come clean--about this, and everything. Police are already on the way, my time running short." Hoseok holds his hand and kiss his forehead.

"I gotta go, but you'll know where to find me soon, Minhyuk." His smile's broken, but sincere. "Meet me only and only after my case fully settled, okay? Pretend you don't know me and stay low for awhile, your name's gonna be totally off the case. When everything's safe and we do meet though, I hope you no longer need to think of fake names anymore. Live as Lee Minhyuk that I love dearly, hm?

Hoseok wipe the tears on his cheek for the last time. Minhyuk was right, if Hoseok leave, he will live on. It just never cross his mind that this is how he'll live on without him by his side. 

 

 

"And Minhyuk...?" Hoseok half shout from distance. "Go wash your face clean! I'm sorry his damned blood stain your cheeks... I promise it'll be the last of his that ever touch yours though. I love you!"

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah yeah. Of course angst has to be our main angst ship, WonHyuk themselves. I'm sorry if ti made anyone sad or feels heavy??? Or disappoints you bcs it's not angsty enough lol
> 
> Please let me know your thoughts & kindly leave a comment, readers? I thrive on that (not that anyone should care but- uwu); xoxo


End file.
